How Pepper Turned Egg Salad in Uranium for Atomic Bomb

 

Since I have a week before I go back home for a visit, I’ve decided to do some late spring, call it summer cleaning. I took every single thing in the house and wiped it individually like obsessive-compulsive person. I had to do this since I knew in the upcoming month Pepper will clean only once. And that will happen an hour before I arrive. As if he wants to show me that he has cleaned the whole time.

 

I love Pepper, but he comes from big family. He has five sisters, and they have ruined him for life. He was treated like a little kid even when he was 18, and he never learned how to take care of the house. Even when I met him, in the whole time of us dating, I recall going to his house three times. Why so little you wonder? How should I put this?

 

 

When I walked the first time in Pepper’s apartment I got stuck at the door from the pile of shoes. I’ve seen girls with fewer shoes then Pepper. Hell I think Carrie Bradshaw, a fictional character from Sex and a City, woman obsessed with shoes, had less shoes then Pepper had on his doorway. Besides the shoes the rest of the apartment was tidy, well men’s standards of clean that is.

 

 

The second time I visited Pepper’s apartment was when I find what I thought was uranium for atomic bomb. For some time there I accused Pepper of being some kind of secret agent, making bombs in his apartment. He then spent the evening convincing me it was just a week old egg salad. It smelled like it was week old 4 moths prior to that. After that it was very hard to ever get me to his house.

 

 

The third time I went to Pepper’s house was after he asked me to marry him. I had one condition for our marriage. It was to be partnership. Not full on 50/50 partnership. That never works. We can’t all be good at everything. We are better at some, and not so great at other things. But this is why we find someone who is better at those things we lack. I was going to marry Pepper, but he had to show me that he would be able to take care of the house, and he did.

 

 

The third time I went to his house it was clean. So when he really needed to, he got it real clean. And that was all I wanted to know, that he could, if he ever had to. That he can be a cleaning partner. Well more like 90/10 cleaning partner. But I still marred him and love him the way he is.

 

 

The cleaning was good distraction before the trip. And I had to make sure that when I come back, I won’t find Pepper and our dog Bear covered in three layers of dust, swimming in take out and pizza boxes.

 

 

In the end this summer cleaning made me realize also how many dust collecting books I have on my shelves. And other crap too. Things I have collected and accumulated throughout the years. Things I barely use. And for what? To show someone that I have things, or for dust collecting purposes?

 

This summer cleaning made me realize that when I come back, all of these crap on my shelves must go. I’ll sale it all on eBay or Amazon for a dollar and make it some other poor sucker’s lung problem. I’ll do it before all of these turns into uranium like Pepper’s egg salad.

 

 

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